People call me Sara but you can call me tonight
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When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
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Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I bet you I could stop gambling.
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I’m like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
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There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
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I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
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Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?
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Few women admit their age; few men act it.
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God is really creative. I mean, just look at me.
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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
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I named my iPod “Titanic.” It’s syncing now.
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What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles.
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Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.
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I’m on Instagram, like you!
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There will be no adulting today.
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What did one snowman say to the other one? “Do you smell carrots?”
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After Monday and Tuesday, every calendar says WTF.
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Living vicariously through myself.
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I’d tell a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
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Life happens. Coffee helps.
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I’m a glowstick – I had to break before I could shine.
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My autobiography is this mess of pics.
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I wanna be different just like everyone else.
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No one’s life is as perfect as their Instagram feed
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I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook.
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Life is short so I’m smiling while I’ve still got all my teeth.
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I can’t remember who I stole my bio from or why.
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Instagram bio currently loading.
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My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
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Relationship status: Netflix and ice cream.
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One of the few people on Instagram who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru.
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We are born naked, hungry, and wet. Then things just get worse.
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I still don’t understand Instagram, but here I am anyway.
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My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos, and sweatpants.
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I hope one day I will love something the way women in commercials love yogurt.
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Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
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Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
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